Online dating: the new way of life. It seems like the only logical way to meet people anymore. The rest of our lives are on the internet, so why not our love lives too? Because if you wait for your friends to set you up, you’ll only be disappointed with their choice of Roger from accounting, the epitome of mouth breathing, booger-eating morons.
Fortunately, there are no Rogers from accounting in this tale. There are, however, many other bad choices. But along the way, I learned what I want, and what I don’t want in a relationship. I learned good qualities to seek and bad qualities to leave behind. I also learned a lot about myself in the process, too. The biggest gain I got from my foray into online dating, though? Writing this book and passing along some of the life lessons I discovered through a painful trial-and-error process.
If you think your dating life is bad, take a gander at mine. Relive the awkward moments, soak in the unnecessary drama, and don’t forget to learn a thing or two. Men and women alike will be able to read this and take home solid dating advice for the future.
Laugh. Learn. Love. Question why some humans are so insane. Maybe even see yourself in some of the pages. But above all, take to heart all the things I figured out along the way. It’ll save you the heartache and trouble. Trust me.
I spent three years of my life
in a negative relationship with a man that lived over three thousand miles away,
in the UK. Miles and miles of ocean and land separated us, but I thought he was
the only man that would ever love me.
Always
the fat girl in class, my life revolved more around making others laugh rather
than pursuing crushes. That is not to say I didn't try chasing them anyway. I knew
the outcome, though: the boys always liked the other girls, the skinny girls.
Me? I was the ‘fun friend’. My yearbooks are filled with homages to my sense of
humor and even sometimes to my friendly nature. Other girls were told to call
the boys over the summer, reminded of their beauty, and endlessly complimented.
My sense of humor was about all anyone ever noticed about me.
"Am
I ugly?" I would ask close friends. No matter what age, I always got the
same answer in some form or another.
"Don't
be ridiculous. You're really funny and that counts for a lot." They would
smile wide with kind eyes, avoiding mine. My question was never directly answered.
I began to think this was all for me – humor. My only redeeming quality. I
would never be ‘pretty’ in a conventional sense.
Now, this isn't to say that beauty and boys are everything in life. I can guarantee
you that they will never be everything in your life. They aren’t in mine. They
are a side mission, not the main quest. However, I wanted nothing more than to
find a man to join my story, to build along with me. I think we all want
someone with whom to share our journey.
Right now,
you’re reading this book for one of three reasons. Reason A: the humor in which
each story unfolds - a good laugh is great for your skin* (*not medically
proven.) Reason B: you want to avoid some of the same speed bumps I hit and
save your sanity. Reason C: you want to see if our stories match and make sure
everything is going as normal as possible. Relatively speaking. I don’t really
mind whichever reason it is, but I do hope you gain something from my tale and
my sage wisdom. That being said, let me take you back to where this all
started.
Desperate to
fill that superficial abyss, I landed with the man from England.
We agreed
that we would never see other people. We agreed it was a real relationship, despite
only seeing each other twice a year, during my Christmas break from college and
in the summer after school ended. He could easily get time off work, and spent
most, if not all of it, with me. Looking back now, I'm not sure if it was
selfish of me to take all his vacation time. Of course, he never let me forget
how much it cost his wallet. Never mind that I worked all summer long and was
barely able to afford my trip to him come December.
Welcome to the blog! The first page
is perhaps one of the most important pages in the whole book. It’s what draws
the reader into the story. Why did you choose to begin your book this way?
I wanted to give a general sense of me, my personality, and my writing style,
while also working to set up the tone of the book. It felt important for readers
to know where I was in my life, to see why this journey was happening. Not that
you need a reason to go out and sleep around, but it helped shape me and my character.
I did not want to throw a ton of information out right away and overwhelm the
reader, so I went about writing a very quick background.
In the course of writing your book,
how many times would you say that the first page changed and for what reasons?
Too many to even count. Off the top
of my head, I changed the first paragraph multiple times from “miles and miles”
to the actual distance and back numerous times. I had versions where I went
right into the story of the long-distance relationship, versions with more detail
into the relationship, etc. I felt starting the relationship would be a
little confusing but was not sure and kept flip-flopping.
Was there ever a time after the
book was published that you wished you had changed something on the first page?
Yes, definitely. As I mentioned
above, I had a version with more detail of the relationship but did not want to
start it right in the nitty-gritty. Now I wish I did, it would have been more
compelling maybe.
What advice can you give to
aspiring authors to stress how important the first page is?
You will never believe your first page is perfect. There is
only so much writing, editing, rewriting you can do. After so many edits, you
are going to have to say, “Okay, this is it,” and be okay with that decision.
Shannon Yingst is a woman with dreams far beyond her reach. Not because she isn’t ambitious, but because she is short, and her dreams are on the high shelves. On her tiptoes reaching for those dusty aspirations, she hopes to achieve the daunting task of entertaining the masses with the written word. Shannon likes to write while listening to Star Wars soundtracks, stand outside while it snows, and get confused playing board games. She would love to spend her days reading on the beach with a waiter bringing her frozen margaritas and snacks as the sun moves about the sky, but for now, she will continue to work at her desk in Jersey.
If They Can’t Kiss Right: Surviving Online Dating is her latest book.
You can visit her blog at https://waitstophelp.blogspot.com/ or connect with her on Twitter.
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