Mom's Search for Meaning:
Grief and Growth After Child Loss
Paralyzed by guilt, grief, and PTSD after her 2-year-old daughter Alice died in her sleep of unknown causes, acupuncturist Melissa Monroe determined not to become a victim in the story of her life. While taking the advice she had given to many grief and trauma patients throughout the years, hoping she could create a meaningful life without closure, she took notes throughout her healing process.
Struggling to advance her timeline beyond that of her daughter’s – and still eager to be the keeper of Alice’s stories – Melissa began to write about Alice’s life and the impact of her death. She became her own lab rat, trying various approaches to healing with the hope that her experience might be helpful to others stuck in a trauma time loop.
As much a study of trauma’s effect on time perception as it is an intimate view into the heart and mind of a bereaved mother, Mom’s Search for Meaning shows us that meaning resides in the search itself…with a spoonful of gallows humor to help the medicine go down.
Praise:
“Melissa doesn’t just say the way out is through, she very much takes us through what that looks like. And in being so specific, I think it’s universally relatable. The final chapter is “To be, or not to be”-level work. This is mom-loss Shakespeare.” Teresa Strasser, author of Exploiting My Baby, the upcoming Making It Home, and co-host of the syndicated TV show The List
“Melissa’s book provides powerful testimony to the strength of the human spirit and our vulnerable, complicated, and yet inspirational ability to heal.” Kim Cookson, Psy.D., founder of the Trauma and Resiliency Training and Services Program at the Southern California Counseling Center
“It is the story of how one person found her way – with grief and with pain, but also with humor and grace – back to a life that would be forever different, but which couldn’t be, and wouldn’t be, anything less than purposeful and honest.” Dan Koeppel, author of To See Every Bird on Earth, Banana: The Fate of the Fruit That Changed the World, and Every Minute is a Day
“The explorations of compassion are deep, Melissa’s march toward love is inspiring, and the writing is beautiful. It is a book about child loss that – at times – made me laugh out loud. I will never stop thinking about this book. And I am so glad.” Liz Friedlander, film and television director
Amazon: https://tinyurl.com/yrmuumc6
Barnes & Noble: https://tinyurl.com/mryd9z7s
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/123189454
Tuesdays are my alleged day off. I say “alleged” because, like most self-employed parents, I am rarely “off.” Tuesdays are meant to be my catch-up day. Some Tuesdays I took my two daughters on an adventure for a “special day.” Sometimes, I spent them with a sick kid, caretaking and trying to keep myself well. Tuesday, August 6, 2013, was clearly going to be the latter. My youngest, Alice, woke up early with a 99º temperature and a raspy voice. An early riser in a house full of night owls, Alice had recently become more assertive about waking the rest of us. She had celebrated her second birthday just eleven days prior and I was preparing to get her a “big girl” bed to celebrate, but this morning, she had to rely on croakily calling from her crib.
I always wondered if my daughters’ sleep schedules were due to their birth times. My eldest daughter, Grace, made an evening entrance three days after her due date. It didn’t go as hoped, but I had a healthy baby girl so I didn’t give it a second thought. A “late” baby born via emergency C-section was my second lesson in how “kids don’t care about your plans and timelines.” Scary bits forgotten the love I felt for her was intoxicating. Grace was teeny-tiny and would not sleep unless she was attached to my body, and even then, it was iffy. I was a newlywed running my new acupuncture clinic while still teaching Pilates clients, and working on a doctoral dissertation … with a colicky baby in tow. What I’m trying to say is: I was tired, and this old broad wasn’t expecting to find herself expecting within six weeks of discontinuing birth control measures. Grace’s conception was the happiest surprise of my life as well as my first lesson in “kids don’t give a flip about your plans and timelines.”
Two-and-a-half years later, Alice arrived seven hours and thirty-five minutes into her due date after being conceived on spontaneous attempt No. 1, thus proving that occasionally kids do adhere to the expected timeline. Now I had two happiest days of my life. When the lactation nurse handed Alice to me for the first feeding, I thought, “Huh. This one looks nothing like the other one,” because Alice had chubby cheeks, unlike Grace. Alice then commando-crawled over to my left breast, latched on, and went to town. I did nothing. I did not know newborns could commando-crawl or initiate the first feeding. Then Alice slept in her bassinet next to my bed; I did not have to touch her for her to sleep. She didn’t look like Grace; she didn’t act like Grace. I knew in one second that Alice would be different than her sister. I was excited to learn what those differences might be.
Website: http://www.melissamariemonroe.com
Twitter: https://twitter.com/tripleMMeaning
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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissa-monroe-b0b1197/
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